Thursday, January 19, 2012

A real 'toy story'.

My son mentioned to me that his father told him he had sold his toys. He thought his dad was joking but hesitated. I encouraged him to ask him father and hopefully clear up what was looking to be a really bad joke. As my son was talking with me, he was reminiscing on old toys he used to play with and things that he missed. He mentioned that he really hoped certain ones weren't sold.

(One important side note is that my son rarely goes to his father's home anymore. Things have changed with his visitation and so my son had no idea what is still there at his dad's home or not. But regardless, these are things he still considered his, in 'his room' at his dad's home).

Then the big question finally asked over a phone call. 'Dad, did you really get rid of my stuff'? The answer.... 'Yes'.

Compounding this, is the fact that his father is moving; moving in with his fiancé who has another child and they are expecting one together. He is in a new home, where there is a room full of toys, but they are for someone else. My son has been there a few times. So... as a parent, do you say anything or not?

My head and heart were just exploding. I was so torn on what to do.  This isn't the first issue and it won't be the last.  At face value, it may even sound silly to be so upset over something like this.  But, it is the principle.  And anyone with children knows, there are some toys that are more than just plastic.  More than just a stuffed bear.  Plus what about just having something that was 'his' in the new place for when he does go there.

When my son hung up that phone and looked at me, his eyes looked sad and let down. Specifically there were two items he wanted, that meant something to him. Perhaps more but two he remembered. They were now gone, with no regard and no way to get them back.

I will confess that I gave in.  As much as I wanted to allow this to remain between the two of them, I later reached out and asked why these things were given away without asking. I wanted him to see or very least sense the disappointment. The sad look of my son fighting back being let down (again). How much he struggled to look me in the eye and go 'oh well, it really isn't a big deal mom' and then quickly look away so he wouldn't break down. But no matter what I say, those looks will never be viewed by his dad. My son plays strong for him. Doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Doesn't want to disappoint him.

The conversation only confirmed a few things for me. It did not do anything for my son. At least not yet. Perhaps his father will think twice now about any similar decisions he makes in the future. I want to fight this and many other battles for my son. I want to ease his broken heart. Especially when it is being broken by someone so close. I want to protect his precious and kind soul. I know I can't save him from the world around us, but that isn’t what is letting him down. It is also a lesson about 'things'.  They are just that and can be lost at any time.  I only hope that my hugs, tickle fights and snuggle time will provide temporary comfort for him.  He will get over this.  He won't harbor ill feelings.  He will see this is just one small piece of what may come his way.  And yes, people you love may let you down, in small or big ways.  But son, there’s a whole gang of us who have your back.

1 comment:

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