Interesting saying right? It's been a while since my last post, things have been a little hectic. I would dare to say more than hectic. In fact what hasn't killed us... well you how the saying goes.
Raising kids is tough work - power to the single parents truly doing this alone. Raising step-kids I still think tougher than dealing with your own. The past two years have been a true test. A test from teenagers struggling to find their way, to our youngest realizing some ugly truths, a test of marriage and commitment, of love and respect and ultimately of strength and patience.
I thought we had a pretty good family unit for a while - we are a blended family and one who always operated pretty well. Without knowing if it is due to true teen angst, suppressed hatred or anger or 'rumblings' amongst households, we have had quite a show of drama. Some typical, some not. I ask myself 'is this what I put my parents through?'. I know it isn't - maybe a slight version but not the ugliness we have had.
All I can say is the grace and patience my husband has shown through the disrespect, the slaps in the face, the boldface lies, sleepless nights is that of Jobe. He has held me as I shake and say "I just cannot do this", has put up with my frustration, has stood strong, has buckled, has had his own moments of jerkdom but has held it together more than not and most of all has shown love every step of the way. Of course not everyone sees it that way....Maybe one day...
So here I am, back to my virtual diary and the therapy it brings. Hoping that we have turned a bit of a corner in our personal little space in this world. Stay tuned.
From a stronger me
The phrase it takes a village to raise a child has always fascinated me. Through my journey of adulthood and parenthood, I have realized how true this is. It isn't because we can't raise our own children, but because there are so many factors outside of your home that will ultimately impact you and your children.
Over the past few years as our children get older and are becoming more social and independent, it has interested me how the parents communicate (or don't) with each other. When I was younger, I was not allowed to go to any one's house unless my parents had spoken with theirs. Of course there were no cell phones so when you called someones home, you knew they were there. There was no texting, no email. You had to speak with someone if you wanted information.
There are days now where I feel it is almost a losing battle to get to know the parents of who my children are hanging out with, socializing with, dating. Becoming Facebook friends with them does not count. I don't need to know them intimately but I would like to be able to recognize them in a room. I would like to have a conversation without feeling as though I am intruding when I ask if they will be home or what time we should arrange a pick-up/drop off. It is almost as though with our cell phones and text and oh-so important lives now, we are relying on our kids to arrange all the details parents used to. With that, comes the non-socialization of parents and our kids controlling factors we should be with curfews, where they will be, etc.. I can't even count how many times our children have tried to negotiate arrangements on our behalf and details are either not true or were so much simpler when we directly speak with the other parent.
Additionally, when something does happen when our children are with another child and their parents suspect wrong doing, it is our responsibility to speak with each other. If we choose to ignore the 'village' support we have and instead use that to spread gossip, untrue accounts, suspicions, etc... it can have disastrous effects. It is a shame, especially coming from adults that this path is chosen.
It does take a village, including the good and the bad of it. For those that choose to chatter vs. confirm, I can only hope my "village" will see it for what it is. And while I will embrace the benefits of technology, I am still going to trust and use old-fashioned parent to parent communication.
